March 27, 2007

My Big Break(through)

Posted in My Personal Walk at 2:00 am by Dan Barnett

How many times do we ask God to break through in our lives? I know I’ve seen amazing things that He has done. But, naturally it’s never enough. God could show up and say, “Hey I’m right here!” I would be amazed and convinced for a while. But, sooner or later, I’ve always found myself wanting more “proof.” For the last 1 1/2 years I have asked God to break through in my life. I was just getting by in my faith. What do we look for, though, when we ask for that? Do we look for huge signs and wonders? I know I do. It’s a bad habit. God could choose to have the sun shine on only where I walk, or anything else He wants to do. So I often finf myself expecting that, because I’ve seen huge things done by Him. But this time, He got me good.
Beth and I joined a new church this summer. I’ve gotten to know the pastor, Steve Mccoy pretty well now, and he has become a close friend. Looking bacl at what led up to us coming to that church, I began to see God’s timing unfolding and the past couple of years became clear in ways I can’t explain. So, I became amazed at how God’s hand was in all of it. But I still just felt blah. Then He showed up and broke me.
Unexplectedly, Beth became pregnant with our 3rd child. We were not intending on being pregnant, and we weren’t super-thrilled. We were excited to have another baby though. About 1 1/2 weeks after finding out she was pregnant, the worst happened. Beth woke up in pain and had some things happening that weren’t supposed to. We sat down on the couch and I said, “We have to be ok with this if it’s what we think.” She agreed with a few tears. Later that day that day, the realization of her miscarriage became clearer. That night we laid in bed and prayed, talked, and cried. A couple days later, there was no doubt she had lost the baby.
We had two big sources of encouragement through the whole thing, both unexpected.
God just blew us away with His ways of showing up. A couple of days after we found out we were pregnant, Kaitlyn said that mommy’s baby was a girl. Then after Beth told her that her baby was with Jesus now, she told us both at different times that she wanted to go to Heaven to see her sister. I have noe doubt that God was using her to tell us what the baby was. The second one was what hit me like bricks. A few days after the loss, I received a card in the mail from a couple that I didn’t know. On the front was a picture. I didn’t notice the picture as I opened the card. Inside were the words I needed. The woman who wrote the card told us she was praying for us. I thought, “sure.” But I read on. She told us she was praying for strength, and that we would feel Christ’s arms holding us as He is holding our baby right now. If you have been in that situation you know how much that meant. When I closed the card, I looked at the picture. There was a pciture of Jesus, sitting in a rocking chair, holding a baby. God opened my eyes, and I saw my daughter in Christ’s arms. I sat there and wept for about five minutes. I mean sobbing. I had only felt comfort like that once in my life. That was years ago when my dad held me in his arms when we were moving to a new church. I realized that day that all my life, that was what I searched for, comfort. I always wanted it from everything other than God. But He showed up that day as just that. I told Beth, I finally know He is holding me in His arms, and, one day, we will be able to peek around His chest and see our daughter. When God talked to Elijah He wasn’t in the wind, the earthquake, or the storm, or whatever else came up. He spoke to him in the silence. That’s how He breaks through.

Comments from my old site for this post:

Rebecca said…

This post was amazing. I’m glad that you expected God to show up & He did, just not in the way you expected. This is so touching. I am sorry for what you had to go through with Beth’s miscarriage, but am also in awe of the way He provided you both comfort & healing. I am blessed to have you both in my life!

January 5, 2007 9:53 PM

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