Loved this sketch from SNL

A quick update first—-I didn’t get the job in Cary.  My abs literally gave out during the sit-up test, something that’s never happened to me before.  I’m looking forward to testing on October 4 for the Richmond PD and October 25 for McHenry CO. Sheriff.

I’ve been revisiting a few old posts today trying to find something to share with my wife.  We’ve been through a very rough last couple of days, and we’re looking for strength once again. 

God has shown  himself plenty these last few weeks.  Logic would say not to worry, but we’re human as well.  We’ve had a few deep talks and cried a bit, and one thing is clear—–We’re exhausted.  The strain this has brought on our minds and our relationship has just wiped us out.  I believe we are closer than ever through this, but seeing the joy in that is hard looking through clouds of fear, anxiety, and weariness.  Headaches just come without hesitation and seem all too common.  I know that this is where God has needed us to be able to work on us, and now I am just begging God for clear answers of what we need to do.  What do I need to change?  How can I help her see what she needs to change?  In the words of Austin Powers, “Oh no I’ve gone cross-eyed!”

I went back through some old posts and found three songs–all by the same artist—that minister to me in  this situation.  I’d like to share them with you. 

The first is what I need to be convicted of.  I may be exhausted, my job may be gone, and I may not have answers that I can see right now, but He is still God and always will be.  The song is

“You are Still God” by Scott Krippayne”

Number 2 shows a recognition of how I have allowed myself to hide the hurt and hide the fear.

Video Here

NO MORE PReTenDing–Scott Krippayne

I can look good when I want to
I know the right things to say
I cover up what I don’t want you to see
But you see it anyway
Maybe I think I can fool you
Maybe I’m fooling myself
I want to change but I don’t know how
And I need your help

Chorus
No more pretending
No more pretending
Lord, I know I need to tell you the truth tonight
But everything is not alright in my life
And I need you like never before
I don’t want to pretend anymore

I’m tired of hiding my weakness
I’m tired of trying to look strong
I don’t want to say that everything’s fine
When there’s so much that’s wrong

Tell me again that you love me
Though it’s more than my heart understands
And I will lay down my disguises
And show You who I am

And Number 3 is my prayer as I have reached a point now where I have no more strength to do this that God will carry us through and leave no question that it was him.  The song is “Carry Me” By Scott K.

Ok number 4 is what I know to be true about my stubbornness in any trial.

So the life-verse of many is what I claim, only now understanding the context of God telling his children they will be handed over into exile but through it all—-”For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”  Through the “betrayal” as we see it, God has a plan and we will see it completed if we’re faithful to him.

Please pray for me.  I test Saturday morning for the Cary PD.  I humbly share that I am unable to lift the minimum bench press amount at the moment.  Please pray that this wuss is given some strength for one push on Saturday.  I’ve just started reading a summary of Og Mandino’s “A Better Way to Live: 17 Rules to Live By.”  Rules 5 and 10 are my favorite.

Rule #5(my claim this week):

Build this day on a foundation of pleasant thoughts. Never fret at any imperfections that you fear may impede your progress. Remind yourself, as often as necessary, that you are a creature of God and have the power to achieve any dream by lifting up your thoughts. You can fly when you decide that you can. Never consider yourself defeat again. Let the vision in your heart be in your life’s blueprint. Smile!

Rule #10:

All talk—-That’s been me.  “You should fast, but I’m sick.”  Beth looked at me today and said, “We really needed this.”  What is this?  Well, I decided not to fast a few months ago when our church was fasting to focus on God.  Well, God decided not to let me off too easy.  Fasting from food for a day or internet for a week, that’s child’s play.  God decided to let us fast from money.  I lost my job the day after Labor Day.  Immediately panic set in.  The next two days were hell for Beth and I.  Then, when we turned to God, he was already standing right there.  Through his hand of providence we have received enough gifts and money from friends and family to cover a week’s pay.  Beth’s reminder to me–”Now we just have to pray that He does it next week.”  Nothing like knowing that your faith is about to be stretched again. 

Beth and I sat and discussed employment options a couple of nights later.  For months I have been dropping jestful ideas of finding a new career.  That’s me–all talk.  God doesn’t talk, he moves then speaks—no talk needed.  I have lacked the fortitude to say, “I wanna take a risk.”  God has now decided to make a man himself.  He’s telling me, “You wanna be a man?  Then do it.  You’re too scared to do it?  I’m not.  Watch.”  I have never felt a peace like I feel right now.  God has given me an opportunity to see him move, and I’m not missing a second of it. 

You wanna go on a fast?  Go “broke” for a week.  My mind is not only clear like fasting will make it.  But it is focused on God’s invisible hand of providence.  “you worship me with your lips, but your heart is far from me.”  Not the heart of emotion, but the heart of will.  Your will is far from me.  I want nothing more now than for the will of my heart do worship him.