As we’re attempting to discover new ways to make God’s heart for lost and hurting people bleed in the hearts of the youth at our church, I came across a familiar video I first saw back in 2000.  I had heard the song many times before, but when I saw the video, I was moved.  The faces were familiar.  I had just been in the Darien Jungle with these same people —-  granted not the same faces in the video, but Kunas nonetheless.  I had spent 4 days with the tribe at Peria and had the time of my life and, when I left, I felt I was leaving old friends.  This video hit home, because to me these were my friends I longed to reach.  The Bible says that the feet of those who carry the Gospel are beautiful.  The faces we reach out to are even more so.  When we are reaching out, are we simply reaching out to those we know nothing about?  Are we reaching out to faces we can easily forget?  We are commanded to love our neighbors as ourselves.  Knowing what we know of Christ as his children, what would we think if those closest to us cared nothing about sharing that hope with us, and only cared about those far away.  I’m so encouraged by what our church is doing in Zambia and other parts of the world, and I’m blessed by the renewed passion for those in our midst.  I pray God will ignite this passion in our youth, and that the fire ignited in their hearts will spark a renewed since of ownership in the mission in the older generations as well, and these kids would make their mark for Christ and spark new growth in Christ’s church both physically and spiritually.

I remember asking my Jr. Highers, one night, to list all they were thankful for in their lives.  We scratched everything off their lists leaving Jesus on them.  We asked them if that would be enough of a reason for them to rejoice.  The answers were mixed, but most said yes.  Of course they would.  We were in a church.  We then talked about Christ and how if we aren’t content in just him, we don’t know him. 

I’ve looked back over past lessons I’ve taught and recent sermons and wondered who was speaking in those times.  With the feelings I’m experiencing and the longing for answers I have, I can’t see how it was me at all.  I then remember, that many times the speaker is being taught more than the listeners.  One of the most common prayers of anyone speaking to a church or youth group is always that God would speak through him, and that God would be heard.  How simple of a prayer that becomes when it becomes a formality, but how deep it is when God answers it.  I look back at the 2 sermons I was allowed to give at church back in August and September, and I see God telling me to listen.  He’s telling me that he was teaching me to prepare me for what is happening now. 

The first sermon was about how God places people in our lives to draw us closer to him and to build a stronger faith in him.  That one spoke to so many people, and I was able to share about men in my life who shaped me as they allowed God to work through them. 

The second one was how God uses pivotal circumstances in our lives to do the same.  This one was so hard for me to get through.  I don’t know if my eyes dried up once during the sermon.  But God spoke, and as I talked I listened.

This past week I looked at those 2 sermons, and I looked at my life.  I started seeing people in my life how God has intended all along for me to see them.  I started to look at my list of things to be thankful for.  When I take all the material things off, I’m still content.  God has provided so much through this season, that it isn’t my focus anymore.  I know that he will provide what is physically needed.  Then I come to those who God has placed in my life as pictures of himself.  I have to be honest that right now I don’t know how thankful I could be if they were gone.  I lie to myself that that day will never come, but I can’t bring myself to imagine the pain that I would feel.  I know I would make it, but would I feel joy in Christ?  It’s so hard to say.  My biggest struggle right now is finding my joy, my security, and my significance in Christ alone.  These people are very few and, for each of them, I could quickly list what my life would lack without them in it.  I sometimes find myself feeling like a failure, a loser, or a disappointment to them when I wonder if there’s really anything their lives would lack without me being here.  The struggle I face is living in such a way that my departure would leave a hole, however leaving enough room for God to fill that hole instead of me all the while looking to God to fill those holes in my life I have filled with those I love and look too.  I believe that when I can begin to achieve this goal, these relationships will be stronger than ever before.  God hasten that day. 

Phil. 3:14 …I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

I’ve been jobless now for 13 months.  I’m working part-time, but that barely covers much.  I’ve always been able to have the answers for times like this and, if not, I was able to keep my head and be an encouragement for Beth.  It’s funny how God shifts things around.

When we had our miscarriage a few years ago, I was able to remain in tact and help Beth through it.  When I lost my job, I was able to point to God and to what he had done in the past. 

Lately I’ve had a harder time of doing that for myself let alone Beth.  I described my emotional state to someone last night as a mixture of depression, frustration, and exhaustion.  Last night, while I was driving, the songs on the radio spoke to me very clearly.  Almost every one of them attested to God’s timing, his hope, and his provision.  “I will Rise” by Chris Tomlin spoke the loudest until I had just finished sweeping my last lot of the night.  It was about 2 minutes after I left the store when “Cinderella” by Stephen Curtis Chapman came on.  I was reminded immediately of what I have in my life that without God’s design wouldn’t be there.  The song has new meaning coming from him now, since he lost his daughter to an accident at home.  I’m reminded again how much God has provided and continues to through this trying time. 

My life verse is Philippians 3:14.  Boy have I forgotten it lately.  My hope is that days and months from now I will be able to stand and confess that I pressed on. 

Funny how the simple sentence, “I pressed on” is depression rearranged.  I must remember when I feel I’m done, to press on.

I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

“We delight to praise what we enjoy because the praise not merely expresses but completes the enjoyment; it is its appointed consummation. It is not out of compliment that lovers keep on telling one another how beautiful they are; the delight is incomplete till it is expressed.”
— C.S. Lewis

I haven’t posted here in awhile, but I need to vent, and FaceBook doesn’t give me enough room.

I lost my job September 2 of last year.  While on unemployment, I was able to find a part-time job that basically paid minimum wage.  This kept me under the maximum weekly income allowance in order to receive full benefits.  Unfortunately, that job qualified me for unemployment 1 year later.  Why?  Because, benefit qualification supercedes any extensions.  I was supposed to have 13 more weeks, but now have none.  Our savings has gone from 12,000 to almost zero between property taxes and vehicles.  I have no idea what’s going to happen next.  I said I qualified for unemployment based on my part-time job.  This means I’ll receive $51 per week.  But wait, there’s more.  Since I have a part-time job, I make too much to even get the $51. 

We are hurting.  I personally, as selfish as it is, feel very let down.  I feel let down by our government, by our systems, by God.  After all he has done though this experience to provide for us.  I still can’t shake this feeling.

Please pray that God would have mercy on me and show grace to my family.  Right now, we are about $1000 short of making it through the rest of this month, not to mention the $860 mortgage payment due on the 1st.  I know God will provide.  I know he won’t let us fall.  I just look at what he may be asking of me, and I can’t bear to think of the pain that will be involved on top of the hurt I’ve already been through for the last year.  The pain this may bring is far worse.  Over the last year, we’ve been ab;e to share a little about our situation to the kids and show them how God has shown up.  We’ve done it together.  To think of going through this time apart from each other for extended lengths of time just makes me cringe at the thought.  When Landon hears I’ll be gone the next day for a side job, he cries in bed, because he’s so used to Daddy being here.  I can’t imagine telling him, “Daddy will be home in 3 weeks.  But, that may very well happen.  I understand him needing to get used to me being at work full-time.  But, to have to tell him he won’t see me for 3 weeks, and then after two days of being home telling him he has to go through that again kills me. 

I pray God will just extend his hand and provide a full-time job here.

Please pray with us.

I want to see how many hits I get from seraches, so here goes.  Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Iraq, Iraq, Recession, Recession, Bubbles,

Hmm, I guess I’ll write my first post in forever.  Hollie put my name on hers, so here goes.

8 things I am looking forward to…
1. Sleep tonight

2. Saturday night

3. Getting a permanent job

4. Summer fishing

5. The October Salmon run

6. My Dunkin’ Donuts Coffee this morning

7. Friday Night

8. TRIAL Sermon #4
8 things I did yesterday…

1. Worked @ the station

2. Worked @ Coach’s house

3. Put Collin down for his nap

4. Made hot chocolate for Kaitlyn

5. Went to bed @ 2:30 pm

6. Woke up @ 7 pmto Landon screaming after a loud thud

7. Woke up @ 9:43 pm and put Collin to bed

8. Went back to the station

8 things I wish…

1. I had a permanent job

2. I could lose 10 lbs.

3. I had hair

4. I could reach certain people in my life

5. I could kill my “demons” (no I don’t mean my kids.)

6. Conspiracy theorists were wrong

7. Body hair didn’t exist

8. Nose hairs didn’t grow back

8 shows I watch…

1. The Office

2. Survivor

3. The Biggest Loser

4. Iron Chef America

5. Guy’s Big Bite

6. The Ultimate Fighter

7. UFC Fight Night

8. UFC Unleashed

8 people I tag…

Well since I don’t know if 8 people whose links I have will read this, hmmm

1.You

Leave your site link in the comment section

Bottom line: I’ve been a wuss. I’ve worried too much about what reaction I will get. I was challenged today by God, and shown so clearly what he wants for me and my family. We have been down a tough road these past several months, and some hard decisions have been made that I didn’t want to make. God showed up today and showed me a direction and a calling. When the preacher shared his burden for building a youth center in downtown Woodstock, IL ( or as he referred to as “within a yard of Hell”) my heart sank, and God told me, “This is what you’re gonna do.” That was it. “This is what you’re gonna do.” After the message I made my way to the front. I waited through 3 people thanking the preacher for the message. I then gave him a long-awaited hug, and I simply whimpered the words, “I’m in.” He knew exactly what I meant. He had shared a few callings God had placed on his heart from missions, to other things. But, when I said, “I’m in”, he knew. He looked at me and said, “I know this has been a passion of yours and I need you next to me.” I simply replied back, “Like I said, I’m in.” I also told him of another thing that God told me I needed to do. This one is harder because it involves emotions and reactions of others that I can’t control. Man, that sucks. But, God has been laying a decision I needed to make on my heart, and I’ve been avoiding it. I finally have made that decision. I couldn’t have without God being perfectly clear an saying, “This is what you’re gonna do.”
“Some wish to live within the sound of church or chapel bell; I want to run a rescue shop WITHIN A YARD OF HELL.”
- C.T. Studd

I wrote this post on July 1, 2007, and found it unpublished tonight.  I thought I’d publish it.

While I sit home from work today, wondering when I’m going to start my throw-up spat as both of my kids have all night, I wanted to write about a speech from Chuck Colson that has a lot of people upset.  Here is an article about the speech.  He pointed to three enemies of the evangelical faith.  Included in them were Islamic terrorists, Atheists, and the Emergent Church.

Many are upset that Colson would list emergents with terroists.  Here’s the thing.  Atheists are not the enemy of Christianity.  They are part of our mission as Christians.   Islamic terrorists make themselves our enemy, but they are also ones we are called to love.  I do think, however, that the true threat does come from within the church.  Paul says in 2 Timothy that the church would get rid of truth-teaching leaders and surround themselves with teachers who’s message is pleasing to their ears.  This is very clearly happening in the church, and not just by these “emergents”.  I don’t think the target of this should be emergents broadly.  Here’s what I’ve seen in many of them that is admirable, including MC, who everyone seems to think I hate.  They are very concerned about the way we live in culture, being socially active, and caring for the oppressed.  I think that most conservative Christians have failed in this arena, and could learn a lot from watching the example of these.  Colson attacks those who go to coffee shops and hang out with Atheists and lost people.  Hello, what’s wrong with that?  Here’s the only problem I have with it.  If it isn’t intentional and leading toward a goal of reaching them for Christ and learning more of how to reach their types, then it’s vain.  In Matthew 5, Christ taught about salt and light.  This topic has been a great discussion piece for myself this week. Many try to bring light into the world and shine it in people’s eyes.  All this does is push people away.  However, others bring salt with no light.  We rub ourselves into society, but we bring nothing that reveals truth, and the sin in others’ lives.  We need both to reach others and display God’s glory.

I think the biggest threat to Christianity comes from within.  Many times, the deceit is not intentional.  You also cannot just target one group and call them the enemy.  I realize some will read this and say I’m flip-flopping from my “Don’t Be Fooled” post.  I’m not.  My intention was never to make someone an enemy but to raise awareness, and  encourage others to filter what they bring in.

In many ways I think the biggest threat to the church is the church itself.  I think guys like Mike Clawson and others are doing a lot of things right.  They are engaging with the culture and with the ones most of us shy away from.  This is exactly what we are instructed to do(Matthew 5).  Here’s the thing: The late Dave Thomas is starting his new restaurant, “Wendy’s”.  He tells his people he wants the best burgers and food for his cusomers.  They in turn go and buy a huge quantity of SPAM and sell it instead.  This is what the Christian church, whether Baptist, Methodist, Lutheran, Bible, Commmunity, Fellowship, has done to God’s Word.  The instructions given to us in His word are the best Black Angus beef you can find.  He gives it to us and tells us to go and give this Black Angus beef to the whole world.  We eat the Black Angus beef  and then give the world SPAM.  We want them to live righteous and come to Christ, but we tell them how horrible they are, sit on our butts, and wonder why they don’t darken the doors of our churches.